Understanding a Disorganized/Fearful-Avoidant Attachment

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Attachment theory is a way of understanding how we form emotional connections with others, especially when we’re young. The idea is that the kind of bond we develop with our primary caregiver can affect how we relate to people and handle our emotions throughout our lives. If we feel secure in that early relationship, it can help us feel more stable and confident in our social interactions. But if we don’t feel secure, it can make things difficult for our future relationships. The theory was developed by John Bowlby in the 1950s, and other researchers have built on his ideas over time and have identified four attachment styles.

  1. Secure
  2. Anxious-preoccupied
  3. Avoidant-dismissive
  4. Disorganized/Fearful-avoidant

Each week this month, I will discuss each attachment style in detail. In this blog, I’ll be focusing on the disorganized/fearful-avoidant attachment style.

Disorganized attachment is less common and often more complex attachment style that combines elements of both anxious and avoidant attachment.

What is disorganized attachment?

Individuals with a disorganized/fearful-avoidant attachment style tend to feel anxious and avoidant in relationships. Disorganized/fearful-avoidant individuals may want closeness and intimacy but also fear it, leading them to push others away and avoid emotional connection.

How does disorganized attachment develop?

Disorganized attachment is typically formed in childhood as a result of inconsistent, unpredictable, or frightening parenting. Children with a disorganized attachment style may have experienced abuse, neglect, or other forms of trauma, which can lead to confusion, fear, and disorientation in their attachment relationships.

Tips to manage fearful-avoidant attachment style and improve relationships:

  • Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness can help you become more aware of your emotions and how they are impacting your behavior. By practicing mindfulness, you can learn to regulate your emotions and respond in a more intentional way.
  • Take small steps toward intimacy: If you tend to avoid close relationships, it can be helpful to take small steps toward intimacy. This might involve sharing more about yourself with someone you trust or making plans to spend time with someone you care about.
  • Seek out a supportive therapist: Working with a therapist who is trained in attachment theory can help you understand the root of your attachment style and how it is impacting your relationships. A therapist can help you develop skills to communicate effectively and form healthier attachments.
  • Be patient with yourself: Changing attachment styles is a process that takes time and effort. It’s important to be patient with yourself and to recognize that setbacks are a normal part of the process.

Remember, disorganized attachment is treatable. With the help of a therapist and a willingness to work on yourself, it’s possible to develop healthier attachment patterns and form more fulfilling relationships. It is never too late to develop more secure relationships. 

Understanding a Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment

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Attachment theory is a way of understanding how we form emotional connections with others, especially when we’re young. The idea is that the kind of bond we develop with our primary caregiver can affect how we relate to people and handle our emotions throughout our lives. If we feel secure in that early relationship, it can help us feel more stable and confident in our social interactions. But if we don’t feel secure, it can make things difficult for our future relationships. The theory was developed by John Bowlby in the 1950s, and other researchers have built on his ideas over time and have identified four attachment styles.

  1. Secure
  2. Anxious-preoccupied
  3. Avoidant-dismissive
  4. Disorganized/Fearful-avoidant

Each week this month, I will discuss each attachment style in detail. In this blog, I’ll be focusing on the dismissive-avoidant attachment style.

What is dismissive-avoidant attachment?

Dismissive-avoidant attachment is one of four attachment styles identified by attachment theory. It’s characterized by a strong desire for independence and self-reliance, a tendency to minimize the importance of close relationships, and an avoidance of emotional intimacy. People with this attachment style may have a history of rejecting others or pushing them away, and they may struggle to express their emotions or show vulnerability.

How does dismissive-avoidant attachment develop?

Like other attachment styles, dismissive-avoidant attachment is thought to develop in early childhood in response to the child’s interactions with their primary caregiver. In this case, the child may have experienced inconsistent or unreliable responses from their caregiver, leading them to develop a sense of mistrust and self-sufficiency. As a result, the child learns to rely on themselves rather than seek support from others, which can carry over into adulthood.

Tips to manage a dismissive-avoidant attachment style and improve relationships:

  • Challenge negative thoughts: People with dismissive-avoidant attachment often have negative beliefs about themselves and others. Learning to challenge these thoughts and replace them with more positive and realistic ones can be helpful in developing more secure attachments.
  • Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness can help you become more aware of your emotions and the ways in which you interact with others. It can also help you develop more empathy and compassion towards yourself and others.
  • Practice self-care: Self-care is important for everyone, but it’s especially important for people with dismissive-avoidant attachment. Make sure you’re taking time to prioritize your own needs and engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment.
  • Seek therapy: Working with a therapist who specializes in attachment issues can be incredibly helpful in understanding and addressing dismissive-avoidant attachment.

Dismissive-avoidant attachment can be challenging, but it’s important to remember that it’s a learned behavior that can be unlearned with time and effort. By seeking therapy, practicing mindfulness, challenging negative thoughts, and practicing self-care, you can start to develop more secure attachments and form more meaningful relationships with others. 

Understanding an Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment

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Attachment theory is a way of understanding how we form emotional connections with others, especially when we’re young. The idea is that the kind of bond we develop with our primary caregiver can affect how we relate to people and handle our emotions throughout our lives. If we feel secure in that early relationship, it can help us feel more stable and confident in our social interactions. But if we don’t feel secure, it can make things difficult for our future relationships. The theory was developed by John Bowlby in the 1950s, and other researchers have built on his ideas over time and have identified four attachment styles.

  1. Secure
  2. Anxious-preoccupied
  3. Avoidant-dismissive
  4. Disorganized/Fearful-avoidant

Each week this month, I will discuss each attachment style in detail. In this blog, I’ll be focusing on the anxious-preoccupied attachment style.

What is an Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment?

This attachment style is characterized by a deep fear of abandonment and a constant need for reassurance and attention from others. Those who have this attachment style often feel insecure in their relationships and worry that their partners will leave them. This is because they had caregivers who were inconsistently responsive during childhood, sometimes meeting their needs and sometimes not. As a result, they learned to cling to others in order to feel secure but also to fear rejection and abandonment. Anxious-preoccupied individuals often struggle with jealousy and insecurity in relationships and may find it difficult to trust others.

If you have an anxious-preoccupied attachment style, it’s important to understand that this is not a character flaw or something that you’ve done wrong. This attachment style is often the result of early life experiences, such as inconsistent caregiving or trauma. It can also be influenced by personality traits, such as high sensitivity or emotional intensity.

Tips to help manage an anxious-preoccupied attachment style and improve relationships:

  • Acknowledge your fears and insecurities: Be honest with yourself about your fears and insecurities. Recognize that these feelings are valid and that they are a part of who you are. By acknowledging these feelings, you can begin to work through them and find ways to cope with them.
  • Practice self-compassion: It’s easy to be hard on yourself when you feel anxious or insecure, but it’s important to practice self-compassion. Be kind to yourself and recognize that everyone has their own struggles. Treat yourself with the same kindness and compassion that you would offer to a friend.
  • Communicate with your partner: Communication is key in any relationship, but it’s especially important if you have an anxious-preoccupied attachment style. Talk to your partner about your fears and insecurities, and let them know what you need from them to feel secure in the relationship. This can help to build trust and strengthen your bond.
  • Focus on building your own sense of security: While it’s important to have a strong relationship with your partner, it’s also important to build your own sense of security. This means developing a strong sense of self and learning to rely on yourself for validation and comfort. This can be achieved through therapy, self-reflection, and self-care.
  • Seek professional help: If you’re struggling with an anxious-preoccupied attachment style, it may be helpful to seek professional help. A therapist can help you to understand your attachment style and develop strategies to manage your anxiety and improve your relationships.

Remember, having an anxious-preoccupied attachment style is not a life sentence. With time, self-reflection, and the right support, it’s possible to develop a more secure attachment style and build strong, healthy relationships.

Understanding Secure Attachment

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Attachment theory is a way of understanding how we form emotional connections with others, especially when we’re young. The idea is that the kind of bond we develop with our primary caregiver can affect how we relate to people and handle our emotions throughout our lives. If we feel secure in that early relationship, it can help us feel more stable and confident in our social interactions. But if we don’t feel secure, it can make things difficult for our future relationships. The theory was developed by John Bowlby in the 1950s, and other researchers have built on his ideas over time and have identified four attachment styles:

  1. Secure
  2. Anxious-preoccupied
  3. Avoidant-dismissive
  4. Disorganized / fearful-avoidant

Each week this month, I will discuss each attachment style in detail. In this blog, I’ll be focusing on the concept of secure attachment, what it is, and how it can be built.

What is Secure Attachment?

Secure attachment is the most desirable type of attachment style, characterized by a strong sense of trust and emotional connection in relationships. Individuals who have a secure attachment style are able to communicate their feelings effectively, feel comfortable expressing their needs, and have the ability to form deep, meaningful connections with others. They are also more likely to have a positive self-image and are able to regulate their emotions effectively.

How is Secure Attachment Built?

Secure attachment is built through the consistent, reliable, and nurturing care of a primary caregiver during early childhood. When a caregiver is able to respond appropriately to their child’s needs and provide a safe and predictable environment, the child learns to trust and rely on their caregiver. Over time, this trust and emotional connection become internalized, and the child develops a secure attachment style.

It’s never too late to build a secure attachment style. Even if you did not have a secure attachment in childhood, you can work to develop one through therapy, mindfulness practices, and building healthy relationships.

Tips for Building a Secure Attachment Style

  • Understand and process past attachment experiences: It’s essential to understand and process any past attachment experiences that may be affecting your ability to form healthy relationships in the present. Therapy can be a helpful tool in exploring these experiences and working towards a more secure attachment style.
  • Develop emotional intelligence: Learning to identify and regulate your own emotions can help you form more secure attachments with others. Mindfulness practices such as meditation can be helpful in developing emotional intelligence.
  • Practice effective communication: Communication is key to building healthy relationships. Practicing effective communication skills, such as active listening, validation, and expressing your own needs and feelings, can help build a stronger emotional connection.
  • Build trust and reliability: In order to build a secure attachment style, it’s important to build trust and reliability in your relationships. Follow through on commitments, be consistent in your behavior, and communicate openly and honestly.
  • Seek support: Building a secure attachment style can be challenging, and it’s important to seek support when needed. A therapist or trusted friend can offer guidance and support as you work towards a more secure attachment style.

Understanding and developing a secure attachment style can lead to healthier, more fulfilling relationships in all areas of life. By focus on building trust, emotional intelligence, effective communication, and seek support when needed. You can always develop a more secure attachment style.

Don’t Let an Eating Disorder Go Unnoticed: Understanding the Signs and Symptoms

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Eating disorders can be a difficult topic to talk about, but it’s important to shed light on the subject as early detection and intervention can significantly increase the chance of recovery. If you suspect someone you know might be struggling with an eating disorder, there are some warning signs to look out for.

Now, this isn’t meant to be a definitive checklist as every eating disorder is unique and people may not show all the symptoms at once. However, it does provide a general overview of the types of behaviors and attitudes that may indicate a problem.

Firstly, watch out for emotional and behavioral changes: 

  • If someone is preoccupied with weight, food, calories, carbohydrates, fat grams, and dieting, and is constantly talking about them
  • Refusing to eat certain foods or restricting entire categories of food 
  • Food rituals such as eating only particular foods or food groups excessive chewing, or not allowing foods to touch
  • Skipping meals or taking small portions of food at regular meals
  • Withdrawing from usual friends and activities
  • Extreme concern with body size and shape

Some of these behaviors might be mild and not very concerning, but when behaviors like these begin to impact your quality of life or your loved one’s quality of life and impact your/their ability to do things, that is a time to reach out for support. 

Another area to keep an eye on is physical symptoms. People with eating disorders may experience: 

  • Noticeable fluctuations in weight, both up and down
  • They may complain of stomach cramps, constipation, acid reflux, or experience menstrual irregularities
  • They may also have difficulties concentrating, and abnormal laboratory findings such as anemia, low thyroid and hormone levels, low potassium, and low white and red blood cell counts 
  • Watch for dizziness, fainting, and feeling cold all the time
  • Sleep problems
  • Cuts and calluses across the top of finger joints (a result of inducing vomiting),
  • Dental problems such as enamel erosion, cavities, discoloration of teeth from vomiting, and tooth sensitivity
  • Dry skin and hair, brittle nails, or muscle weakness
  • Poor wound healing, and impaired immune functioning

Remember, early intervention is key to recovery, and seeking help from a medical professional or a certified eating disorder professional (CEDS) can make a huge difference in the outcome. They can support you or your loved one, seek help and offer guidance throughout the journey to recovery.

Below are some additional resources!

  1. Eating Disorder Foundation (EDF)
  2. The National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA)
  3. National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders (ANAD)
  4. Eating Disorder Care

Be Your Own Valentine: Self-Care is True Love

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Valentine’s Day can be a day filled with excitement, happiness, and love. But it can also be a day filled with pressure, high expectations, grief and/or loneliness. We all have different experiences when it comes to Valentine’s Day, and while some people feel joyful, connected, and fulfilled, others may find themselves feeling lonely, isolated or unsupported. Whatever your situation, it is important to remember that self-care is true love. 

Self-care is a practice that involves taking care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally. It’s about treating yourself with kindness, respect, and compassion. It’s about recognizing your worth, accepting your flaws, and embracing your uniqueness. Easier said than done, I know. But, when you care for yourself, you are more available to care for others. 

Taking the time to nourish your body, mind, and soul can feel like a tall order. But it can be done through a variety of activities like: movement, sleeping-in, ordering take out, positive affirmations, reading, spending time in nature, leaving work early, or taking a relaxing bath. Self-care helps you to recharge and replenish your energy, which, in turn, makes you feel better and more equipped to handle life’s challenges.

Being your own Valentine means making a conscious effort to put yourself first. It means treating yourself with the same love and care that you would give to someone you care about deeply. It means taking the time to understand your needs, setting boundaries, and making yourself a priority. When you prioritize your self-care and self-love, you will find that you are able to be more resilient, confident, and fulfilled in all areas of your life.

So, this Valentine’s Day, why not be your own Valentine and treat yourself with kindness, respect, and love? Do something special for yourself, something that makes you feel good and brings you joy. Whether it’s cooking your favorite meal, taking a yoga class, or eating your favorite chocolate, take the time to focus on yourself and your well-being.

Self-care is essential to our well-being. Be your own Valentine, make sure to show yourself some love this Valentine’s Day.

New Year, Same You! Rejecting Diet Culture’s Obsession with Resolutions

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As we welcome in the new year, it’s natural to reflect on the past and consider ways we can improve ourselves in the future. What isn’t natural is diet culture’s intense obsession with you becoming an all “new you!” As if you are an appliance, not a living, breathing, human being! 

The diet/wellness world takes advantage of the natural new start to ram some disordered ideas down your throat. The New Year’s Resolution train is a large binge/restrict cycle we all go through one a year and it is toxic! You are encouraged to binge through the holidays because the looming “resolutions” will restart the clock and you’ll cleanse all your “past sins” with your new habits. 

This promotes not only an unhealthy relationship with food, exercise, and goal setting, but promotes the narrative that in order to live the life you want you to need to change all of you. It’s so much pressure and filled with so much inferiority rhetoric. 

Again, I am all for personal growth, self-reflection, trying new things and setting goals to get there, but it doesn’t have to come with the all-or-nothing, black and white, thinking of the New Year’s Resolution world. Change can happen any day of the year, and you don’t need a “new you” in order to live a life that feels good to you. 

Instead of stressing out about large goals and drastic “lifestyle” changes, why not try being kind to yourself, giving yourself permission to fail – failing is a crucial part of learning –  and remember that change is a process, not a destination. It can be messy and uncomfortable, there will be setbacks, but when you see every day, every hour, every moment as a chance to begin again, you can be present with your growth. 

Instead of becoming a “new you,” maybe we should focus on being more loving and accepting of ourselves as we grow, change or maybe stay the same. All options are ok. 

As we enter the new year, remember to be kind to yourself and embrace who you are. You are enough, and you have the power to make positive changes in your life every day, not just on January 1st.

So here’s to a happy and fulfilling new year, filled with self-love and acceptance. 

7 Tips to Support Recovery During the Holiday Season

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The holidays are touted to be “the most wonderful time of the year,” but for people in recovery, it can feel like the most stressful time of the year because the holidays can present many challenges to recovery. Holidays mean irregular schedules which can derail useful routines and practices people have to support their recovery. Holidays mean lots of food and usually lots of diet talk coupled with New Year Resolution promises. Holidays mean interacting with family, which can be supportive, but sometimes family can present tricky dynamics. All of this and the forced joyfulness of the season can be incredibly stressful for anyone, but especially those with eating disorders or mood disorders. So, here are some tips to support yourself during this holiday season.

1. Connect With Your Care Team

As we head into the holiday season, be sure to connect with the professionals that support you with recovery – a therapist, dietician, trainer, and any other professional support. Discuss potential “triggers,” anxieties, and any “fear foods” that you might be encountering. Brainstorm strategies to support yourself through any challenging situation you might predict.

2. Sculpt Your Schedule

Look ahead and create a schedule that provides enough “down time” and/or normal routines as possible. You may not be able to control other people or the food they bring, but you can control how many festivities you attend, how long you stay, and how much additional activities you’re willing to take on. You CAN also schedule self-care time and treat it just like you would an important meeting. It is non-negotiable. Your self-care is important.

3. Fire Up Your Friends and Family

Make a list of friends and family members who are supportive and helpful when challenges arise: people who can add connection and compassion as your ED demands isolation and black and white thinking. Reach out to these people beforehand and talk about ways they can support you through the season.

4. Hone Your Healthy Boundaries

You know what situations, topics and people who provide the most challenge for you. You might ask your family and friends to avoid diet talk or negative body talk while they’re around you. You might limit your interactions with certain stressors or time spent at certain holiday events. Remember, boundaries are a way to love yourself and others at the same time. They are not barriers to love, but instructions on how people can love you best. You are allowed to set healthy boundaries!

5. Step Up Self-Care Practices

Know that you might need more care. Holidays are hard and no matter how much you prepare unexpected things might arise and make them harder. Allowing yourself time in a safe environment, doing something that replenishes you is vital.

6. Charge Up Your Compassion

Have compassion for yourself. Recovery is hard. Holidays are hard. Unlearning diet culture is hard. It takes time and you won’t do everything perfectly and you’re not supposed to. Not being perfect is deeply human. Find ways to add compassion to your day with self-talk or writing down compassionate affirmations. Whatever way feels most supportive.

7. Shift the Focus

You also get to enjoy the holiday season! So, be mindful and present. Connect with family, friends and traditions you love. Eat food you enjoy! Play music that connects with your soul! Maybe start a practice of gratitude (if you don’t have one already) to really reinforce the moment. It will never be the holiday season in 2022 again, so savor the fun and happy parts. Record them. Remember them. You deserve happiness too!

Bootstrapping Your Way to Thinness: Dieting and the American Dream

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What is “bootstrapping?”

Most of us are familiar with the phrase “pull yourself up from your bootstraps”, it’s as American as apple pie. Bootstrapping is the idea that anyone can change their situation using only existing resources if they work hard enough. It is the core idea behind The American Dream, which of course is falsely predicated on the idea that all people have equal access to all opportunities. We know that isn’t true and hasn’t been true throughout the history of America, yet the lore of The American Dream persists. 

Why? Because it gives us a sense of control. It soothes us to know that we have complete and total power over our destiny. If you succeed it’s because you worked really hard, and you have great “willpower”, but if you fail it’s because you didn’t work hard enough. This black-and-white thinking allows us to make sense of things, unlike the truth which is that our destinies are intricately linked to the systems and people around us. This is a nuanced conversation with a lot more unknowns than we are comfortable with.

Bootstrapping and Diet & Wellness World

Bootstrapping is also the core idea of diet & wellness culture and the primary marketing tactic of the diet & wellness industry. They sell us the belief that anyone can change their body size using only a diet/lifestyle change and hard work (willpower). If your body size doesn’t change or you gain the weight back, you are the problem. Failure is never because of the diet/lifestyle change, but because of the individual. You didn’t have the “right” diet or you weren’t following the diet the “right” way. The diet is never to blame when studies consistently show that 95-98% of diets fail long term. This shame-filled narrative is still pervasive and persuasive. 

Why? Because it gives us a sense of control. It soothes us to know that we have complete and total power over our body size and therefore our status in society. It gives us the illusion that anyone can move freely out of the societal structure of oppression based on our bodies if they “work hard enough” instead of working to dismantle the oppressive structure in the first place. 

Most people don’t want to be fat because they know how fat people are treated in our society and are incredibly afraid of being treated that way. And yet, instead of having an enlightened conversation about body diversity, poverty, food deserts, racial disparities in health care, or other multifaceted reasons people might be fat, we want to blame the individual because American culture has trained us to individualize systemic issues. It is easier to blame a person and say they need to change instead of a system or societal belief because changing systems and societal beliefs requires collective action. This speaks to internalized weight bias that pervades our culture and causes us to pit people against one another.

There is no simple solution or black-and-white answer when it comes to why we have diverse body sizes. Being fat isn’t a moral failing and being thin isn’t salvation. We collectively need to work together to dismantle the idea that anyone can become thin if they work hard enough. It isn’t a matter of work ethic. Also, some people are fat and will stay fat and they deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. 

Bootstrapping and Recovery

This “bootstrap” logic can also show up when you’re in recovery. People can feel they aren’t “working hard enough” at their recovery or that if they relapse it’s because they didn’t “have the willpower to recover”. This personalization is toxic and counterproductive. Unlearning disordered eating is full of habit and behavior disruption, which is hard for everyone!

What you can do?

When you notice or hear the “bootstrap argument” see if you can add nuance and compassion to the conversation. Ask yourself questions like:

  •  “Who benefits from me feeling this is my problem and my problem alone?” 
  • “Who else do I know who has also had this struggle?” 
  • “Where did the system fail me?”
  • “How is my belief about ____ influenced by cultural messaging?”
  • “How do I feel about myself after using bootstrapping logic? Is that feeling helpful”

Incorporating the collective normalizes a situation as a systems issue. If you aren’t alone and most people also struggle with something then it’s time to widen the lens. Also, think about how “bootstrapping” makes you feel, even if it were your fault (which it’s not), is it useful to make yourself feel like garbage because of it? You deserve better and we deserve better. 

Meeting You Where You Are: Health At Every Size Personal Training

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I am Abigail Ladd, an anti-diet health coach, and Health at Every Size fitness professional. I have worked in the fitness industry for 15 years training people of all ages in multiple modalities. However, it was only in the last 5 years I walked away from the traditional “health & fitness” model towards the anti-diet and Health at Every Size frameworks driven by my own recovery from an eating disorder. This shift not only improved my relationship with my food and my body, but it has also made me a better trainer and coach to my clients and truly support them wherever they are with their fitness goals. 

While you may have heard of Health at Every Size or HAES, you might not fully understand what it is. So, let’s define it right out of the gates: 

Health at Every Size is a set of principles that was established in 2003 by the Association of Size Diversity and Health (ASDAH). These principles reject the idea that weight, body size and BMI are sole indicators of a healthy body. Instead, they are merely data points in a complex, nuanced system. We cannot determine someone’s health based on the size of their body. HAES also rejects the idea that weight loss is the panacea of the diet industry and some parts of the medical community claim it is, because people of all sizes experience varying levels of health – not just throughout the world, but also throughout their lifetime. Health isn’t a stagnant thing. After all, every time you get a cold or the flu, your health status has changed. 

As a personal trainer, I have had lots of conversations about Health at Every Size with colleagues in the industry because HAES brings out all the feels on either side of the discussion.

Critics of HAES describe it as “endorsing or glorifying obesity” and “giving up on your health.” First, the portrayals of fat or “obese” people in our media are far from “endorsing and glorifying”, in fact they are full of shame, collective disgust and often verbal abuse of fat people. Fat people are treated terribly and we all know it, which is one of the many reasons people are so afraid to become fat. There is not a multi-billion dollar industry promoting being fat, but there is a multi-billion dollar industry glorifying thinness and disordered eating. So, if we as a society want to be worried about glorifying a body type with unhealthy eating behaviors, we should all have our eyes trained on Diet Culture.

Second, health is not synonymous with thinness. We all know people who are thin, who manage health conditions and we all know people who are fat and manage no health conditions…and vice versa. More to the point though, health isn’t a moral imperative or something you “owe” anyone. Your health status is no one’s business but your own. Additionally, weight loss does not automatically correlate with improved health outcomes. But, health behaviors like stress management, eating nutritious food, and exercise, do correlate with improved health regardless of any change in weight. 

So, putting weight at the forefront isn’t “health promoting” because it is the wrong focus. 

Usually the main reason someone wants to hire a personal trainer and health coach is weight loss. Now, this can be coded in many ways: be healthy, have more energy, feel confident, be stronger, play with my kids more. However, when setting goals with my clients I ask: “If I help you be healthy, have more energy, feel confident, be stronger, play with your kids more, but your body size doesn’t change, will you be ok with that?” most of my clients say “no,” because what they really want is weight loss. They want to look the part. Now, there are many reasons people believe a thinner body will give them health, confidence, energy, strength and make them a better partner, parent or family member, but all of that is marketing. Thinness doesn’t mean you’ll get any of that and, more often than not, the behaviors required to make someone thinner than their natural frame – extreme food restriction, exercise routines and/or constant weight fluctuations are incredibly damaging to one’s health. 

We don’t know if a person’s body size will change as a result of adding in health behaviors. If we did, no one would have to try oodles of diets. They’d only need one. Bodies are diverse and nuanced. But we do know how to build a person’s strength, manage and increase their energy, build confidence, and increase your endurance so you can play with your kids for longer periods of time.

So, with Health at Every Sizes personal training, we do not pursue weight loss and  it’s not “on the back burner” because it’s not a reliable data point to set a goal. Your body might change in size and it might not. However, we can improve your strength, endurance, mobility, stability and your relationship with food. A Health at Every Size approach means we’re not trying to “fix” your body we’re working on the best way to support your body sustainably, so you can support it and yourself as your body changes throughout your life. 

When people think their bodies aren’t valuable as they are, regardless of size, they treat them terribly with crash diets and over exercising. But, when we acknowledge that bodies are inherently worthy and valuable, it is a lot easier for people to care for their bodies because they know how precious they are.

To find out more about my fitness services check out: https://www.abigailladdcoach.com/